September 03, 2006

tales of the plastic badge: nobody here but us field mice edition

Me: ___________ Security, how can I help you?

Drunk employee trying to call off overnite shift: Hey, who....who's the supervisor in manufacturing tonight?

Me: Nobody, there's nobody in the plant tonight.

Slacker: Nobody? Well...then who's in charge up there?

Me: Nobody. There's nobody here but me and the geese and gophers, and I think the geese left a few hours ago.

Slacker: Oh, okay, then, can I talk to the supervisor in Finishing, then?

Me: No. There's no supervisor in at all.

Slacker: Hm. Then how about _(random employee)_?

Me: No. No, they aren't here. Nobody's here. Nobody but me.

Slacker: Ummmm...okay, then...who is there?

Me: Me.

Slacker: And....

Me: Me. That's it.

Slacker: But _another employee_ always works Sunday, I'm sure he's there.

Me: Is ___________ a groundhog, or maybe a bunny rabbit?

Slacker: No.

Me: Then I'm sure he's not here.

Slacker: Oh....well, can you page him anyway, just to be sure?

Me: (puts slacker on hold)

Five minutes later:

Me: __________ Security, how can I help you?

Slacker: I think we got disconnected, I was trying to reach ____________.

Me: No, we didn't get disconnected, I'm pretty sure they aren't here.

Slacker: Oh, okay then. Who is there again?

Me: Nobody. Nobody at all, literally, I'm sitting in a big empty plant. I'm actually naked right now, because hey, why not, it's not like anybody's going to bitch.

Slacker: Hey, I don't like you refusing to help me. Let me I talk to your boss!

Me: Nope. Not until tommorow morning, unless you call her cell phone.

Slacker: Can I have her cell number?

Me: Sorry, against company policy.

Slacker: Oh. Okay then, fine, can I just have the finishing supervisor?

Me: (Pause...) Sure, hold on one minute.

Put the call into voicemail, take the phone off the hook, and go for a walk...until the next shift shows up.

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